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One morning, the doctor and his wife were having a very heated argument over breakfast. As he stormed out of the house on his way to the clinic, the doctor angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"
By midmorning, he decided that he had better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"
The wife replied, "I was in bed."
Then the doctor asked, "What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"
His wife responded, "Getting a second opinion."
One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, "Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?"
The doctor replied, "You're not drinking enough water."
and the coup de grace
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline;
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are anal retentive, please hold.
_________________
Regards Dooglebug aka 'Da Bug'
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