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Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2003 4:43 pm
Posts: 7258
Location: Sacramento, California, USA
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NEWS BULLETIN: Maksim has a rare genetic disorder...
Hi Everyone,
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I was born without tact. 
Seriously, those who know me know that I really have very little tact or subtlety. I'm a very direct person. I say what I mean and don't beat around the bush.
It might be as a result of my military background or as being the eldest child in a family that was expected to take of the younger ones and to report on what was going on. One of the toughest decisions I ever had to make was to report one of my younger sister's drug habits so that hard-working Mother and Father could deal with it.
At any rate, I really do lack subtlety in my actions. I pretty much say JUST what I think, often with very little thought put ahead of my statements (And I have to deal with those consequences).
The bad thing about this is that my rough statements often ruffle the feathers of others. The good thing about it is that people know exactly where they stand with me because I tell them exactly what I feel and think.
My girlfriend, Diana, initially had difficulty dealing with this "genetic disorder." She would ask me one of those "no win" questions like "Do I look fat in this dress?" (There are no right answers for those kind of female questions) and I would ask her in return if she wanted an honest answer or a false answer designed to make her feel good regardless of what I really thought. That kind of return question was a conundrum for her. Every girl wants to hear an answer like "You look good in everything you wear, sweetheart." I wish I always felt that way, but I don't so when she asked for honesty, I gave it to her.
After awhile she began to enjoy my blunt honesty because it means that when I do give compliments, they are very sincere and that the rest of the time, she can count on my honesty to say exactly what I think. ?
She can count on me telling her exactly how I feel about us and I've told her many times that if she has any doubts about our relationship that she should simply ask me what she wants to know. This is a hard thing for many people to do: to directly confront an issue and talk it out. We've had enough time together now (working on two years) that I think she has finally begun to beleive it.
So, for my friends here that have tried to "read into" my actions, please don't. Just ask me flat out what you want or are worried about and I'll answer you in a direct and honest way regardless of the consequences. I don't beleive in "political correctness," I beleive in honest friendships where the good AND the bad are shared freely.
So, if I think "your opinions are irrelevant" or that "you are a selfish git," I PROMISE to tell you that. If I think you are a "donkey's bottom," I PROMISE to tell you that too! 
If I haven't said anything negative to you or anyone else then my default position is that I both like and respect you. I am an optimist deep down and I like to think well of everyone unless proved otherwise.
If I happen to say something blunt and tactless (my specialty) that disagrees with something you've said, it simply means that I diasagree with you on a singular issue and not that I think any less of you. I PROMISE I would say something if I thought any less of anyone here or anywhere else for that matter.
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The last few weeks have been tough ones here at Epicomms for me and many others.
We had one prospective member, PixelGeek AKA PG, who encountered a lot of difficulty with not only some of the stalwart members here at Epicomms, but many of the "people he hadn't previously befriended" AKA "enemies" from the past. In other words, new members were joining our forums here and bringing the animosity they felt towards PG with them. And this animosity created a number of "flame wars."
The minute PG arrived, I wrote to Cybershadow and told him that I didn't want to deal with any prospective problems with PG's presence. Iain and I chatted about the potential situation and I left it at that with the understanding that despite being the "uber-mod" here that I would NOT have to deal with any potential PG-related complications. Iain AKA Cybershadow would take care of it.
That's NOT what happened. Iain was unfortunately busy with real life and I was continually receiving a pile of complaints about PG not only from new members who followed PG over to Epicomms, but many of the "regulars" as well. And not just complaints but well thought-out letters with clear points. Many but not all of the others moderators were "frozen with indecision" so it was left to me delete the nasty "flameing" posts and try to reconcile parties that wouldn't be reconciled. Nevertheless I tried to reconcile people who probably hate each other and got "clawed and gored" every step of the way while trying to be a "peace-maker."
In fact, at one point, I lost my control with PG and replied snidely to one of his pithy comments. Dafrca, God bless his kind soul, was the first person to notice this and wrote my a fine PM asking me if my comment was really worth it and if it really belonged at Epicomms. It took me less than five minutes to realize that Dafrca was right and I quickly deleted my cruddy reply and sent a letter of apology to Dafrca for the mistake. I genuinely felt bad about it. Regardless of how much of a jerk PG is capable of being, he doesn't deserve me losing my cool and returning fire.
I acted like a jerk and I regret that I lost my cool with PixelGeek and more so that my actions were a contributing factor to Dafrca losing faith in the Epicomms community. I am very sorry for my poor behavior and want to claim my actions and be responsible for them.
However, this quickly became a rift in our friendship and afterwards, Dafrca and a few others started ignoring me. They wouldn't reply to my posts, return my phone calls and I've felt like crud over it. Despite apologizing for any offense that I have inadvertantly given, only one of the people who have ignored me have written back to even say they received my message. Thanks, Dafrca. A reply is definitely better than being ignored.
Iain, eventually returned and exchanged some E-mails with PG, who decided to leave of his own accord.
The reason I'm writing this is because I know that if I don't talk about this with my friends here, then I will become bitter about it and not want to stick around here.
I dealt with a very difficult individual, PG, after specifically requesting to not have that "privelege." But noone else was around, so I took the ball and did the best I could with it.
It speaks well of me that PG and I remain on good terms (We long ago reconciled after our past history of differences at the old Specialist Games forums) and our blogs are linked to each others. I think PG has grown a lot as an individual since I first met him and like him, but at the same time, I can recognize that his "people skills" still have a long way to grow and he has a talent for rubbing other people the wrong way (Myself included in the past and present).
I feel like I have painted as the bad guy for what happened and have been punished since (By being ignored).
It's obvious to me that I'm being actively ignored when individuals have time to post a number of messages on different threads but every single thread I post to is ignored. It's definitely more than coincidence.
I'm very frustrated after close to three weeks of this.
I don't expect any apologies from the people I've offended. They very likely still feel the same way that they did before and I can understand this position. What I don't understand is the refusal to even discuss the issues so that we can reconcile again and move on with our friendships here. ?
So, I wrote this thread to clear the air and put all of my cards on the table. It's all here for those who are willing to start talking about it.
Please do me the kindness of announcing if you have difficulty with me so I can apologize to you and try to otherwise make peace.
Please respond if you feel you are involved or for any other reason. Communication is a good thing and helps people to understand each other.
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Thanks for letting me vent.
Shalom,
Maksim-Smelchak.
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