THINGS WE SHOULD ALL HAVE LEARNED BY NOW
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidty
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
10. If you look l ike your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Men are from earth, women are from earth. Deal with it
14. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.....yet
15. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places
17. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming
18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
19. There is always one more imbecile than you counted
20. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again
21. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends
22. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refigerator
23. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world
24. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look big
